Odd Observations from a Skewed Perspective

Follow suit. Especially bathing suits.

I have big tits and I cannot lie

No, no really. I have a big rack and I suck at lying. The truth is most often all over my face like a money shot. So, when I say I wore my astonishment today, you can comically envision a dropped jaw, gaping maw gathering flies and wide eyed capture in your dutifully exercised minds eye.
When I say I have a large pair of fun balloons, I’m not kidding. I’m sporting a set of H’s, much to the dismay of my back and bra straps. Lingerie shopping is a nightmare of expensive specialty shops and experimental online ordering. I’m well versed in the art of tasteful sideboob and creative cleavage.
Today, while puttering about my local ultra mega mart (no I’m not telling where… They’re not paying me) I was stopped, quite in my tracks, by huge tracts of land far more sizeable than my own. I know that they exist, but to me, they’re blue whales. I’ve seen them in pictures, not so much in my immediate vicinity. These puppies were so large she was unable to push her cart without resting her arms atop them, forcing her elbows outwards at, what looks to me, an uncomfortable position. Territory leaked from its confines like slow moving lava down Kilauea and shivered with the squeaky punctuation of her cart vibrating in her hands as she moved along.
How many hooks and eyes of aircraft grade steel does it take to hold those upright?  Are there thirty seven straps criss crossing her shoulderblades just to keep her upright? When I finally shook myself from embarrassing shock, I felt a profound empathy. If it was difficult to find and use clothing appropriate to my body shape, her difficulty must be tripled. If my jubblies are a hassle, hers must be positively delinquent.
Ha. I just made myself laugh at the idea of delinquent pec pillows. Also, I’m just trying to get in one more breast euphemism.

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2 Comments»

  kylemcloren wrote @

Also there are Ta-Ta’s, Tig Ol’ Bitties, Jugs, Personal Flotation Devices, Pillows, Cones, Personal Airbags, and my personal favorite… Breasts-ess-ess

Like

  D L Rivermoore wrote @

Are my PFDs safety rated? In case of water landing, toss those tatas!

Like


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